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Posted Apr 16, 2001

The Lighter Side - Page 2

By Steve Jones

Stolen Windows 2000 Source Code

Two versions of the source...


/* Source Code to Windows 2000 */
#include "win31.h"
#include "win95.h"
#include "win98.h"
#include "workst~1.h"
#include "evenmore.h"
#include "oldstuff.h"
#include "billrulz.h"
#include "monopoly.h"
#define INSTALL HARD
char make_prog_look_big[1600000];
void main()
{
while(!CRASHED)
{
display_copyright_message();

display_bill_rules_message();
do_nothing_loop();
if (first_time_installation)
{

make_50_megabyte_swapfile();

do_nothing_loop();

totally_screw_up_HPFS_file_system();

search_and_destroy_the_rest_of_OS/2();

make_futile_attempt_to_damage_Linux();

disable_Netscape();

disable_RealPlayer();

disable_Lotus_Products();

hang_system();
}
write_something(anything);
display_copyright_message();
do_nothing_loop();
do_some_stuff();
if (still_not_crashed)
{

display_copyright_message();

do_nothing_loop();

basically_run_windows_3.1();

do_nothing_loop();

do_nothing_loop();
}
}
if (detect_cache())
disable_cache();
if (fast_cpu())
{

set_wait_states(lots);
set_mouse(speed,
very_slow);
set_mouse(action,
jumpy);
set_mouse(reaction,
sometimes);
}
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.1"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 3.11"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 95"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 3.0"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows 98"); */
/* printf("Welcome to Windows NT 4.0"); */
printf("Welcome to Windows 2000");
if (system_ok())
crash(to_dos_prompt)
else
system_memory =
open("a:\swp0001.swp", O_CREATE);
while(something)
{
sleep(5);

get_user_input();
sleep(5);

act_on_user_input();
sleep(5);
}
create_general_protection_fault();


Another version

5 REM Now Y2K ready
6 IF YEAR>=2000 THEN PRINT "This program is not Y2K ready!": GOSUB CRASH
7 IF YEAR<2000 THEN PRINT "This program is Y2K ready!": GOSUB CRASH
9 REM --- Main program
10 REM PRINT "CP/M"
15 Rem PRINT "Starting MS-DOS..."
17 rem PRINT "Start Windows 95..."
18 REM PRINT "Start Windows 98..."
19 REM PRINT "Start Windows 2000..."
20 GOSUB MAKEHUGESWAPFILE
30 GOSUB SWAPTOFLOPPY
31 REM PRINT "Requires 16 KB RAM"
32 REM PRINT "Requires 600 KB RAM"
33 REM PRINT "Requires at least 4 MB RAM": REM Your right, but it'll sell!
34 REM PRINT "Requires at least 64 MB more RAM"
35 PRINT "Requires at LEAST 1 GB more RAM": REM Because of alliance with memory producers
36 REM For future ease
37 REM PRINT "Requires more RAM. MORE. A LOT MORE!"
38 REM PRINT "RAM. I need RAM. GIMMEGIMMEGIMME."
39 REM PRINT "Not enough RAM. You can't afford all the RAM I'll NEED. Face it."
40 IF CRASHED <> 1 THEN CRASHED = 1
45 REM Aug 13, 1983 - Better put the crash into a sub
50 IF CRASHED = 1 THEN GOSUB CRASH
60 GOTO 60
65 FOR A=1 TO 20
70 PRINT "Bill rules.": PRINT "Do not copy this program or Bill will be really pissed."
75 NEXT A
80 PRINT "If this program crashes it's your own fault! If you blame us, we'll sue you."
90 GOSUB CRASH
100 B=0
109 REM Jan 1, 00 - Test for Pentium FDIV bug - if the CPU ik ok the computer crashes here
110 PRINT 100/B
120 GOSUB CRASH
129 REM Dec 24, 1988 - Wouldn't it be cool if we actually put something in this sub?
130 GOSUB DETECTHARDWARE
140 PRINT "This prgram have no foults. It is been testd verry touroughzxglty."
141 PRNIT "Thangs to our alpha-tester (We don't know him, but we think he is owt there)"
142 REM PRINT "Thangs to ovr betaa-tehsters"
143 REM PRINT "Thanchs to both of our beta-tesders"
144 REM PRINT "Thanks too our beta-tester"
145 PRINT "We has spent the money that should have been spent on beta-testing to pay our lawyers."
150 GOSUB CRASH
160 GOSUB DISPLAYSOMENICEBLUEGRAPHICSWITHWHITETEXTONIT
168 REM Apr 1, 1978 - The debugging code has been disabled to speed up development
169 GOTO 190
170 GOSUB DOSOMETHINGREALLYCOOL
180 GOSUB DOWHATTHEUSERDESIRES
190 GOSUB CRASH
200 GOSUB ENDWITHNOWARNINGANDFORCETHEUSERTOSAYOKTOMISSEVERYTHING



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